Bite Me

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There’s a fundamental problem with zombies that has always tested my faith that a zombie apocalypse could happen. Why do zombies not attack other zombies? Instinct you say?  Really?  Well, let’s go further then. At what point does a zombie infect a human and then recognize that the human will turn? We all know that if you get wounded, then you’ll turn. If you’re in a movie, you’ll hide your wound and then turn on the group when they least expect it. (hah!) But I’m talking about you finally being caught by the horde. You get caught by a group of zombies and they drag you to the ground. Now what? Do they eat you halfway? How far do they go? When do they stop? I saw a movie based in England where the infection took over in less than a minute. Okay, I buy that one, but that was a rage virus, and those zombies were technically “alive”, so if you get mobbed, you'd be beaten to death, and there wouldn't be any reanimation. I saw another one based in new York with Will Smith as the lead where it was technically and anti-cancer virus gone bad. So I buy that one, I mean, relatively speaking.  They were injected, so since they don't have to be attacked, that's different.  Recently there was a show on TV where the zombies animated afterwards, as long as the virus got the brain. Alright, so that explains how it works, but does it really? Let’s say that it’s a brain thing that reanimates you after it kills you, using base functions. So you get mobbed by a bunch of zombies and you escape after being bitten. Bam, you turn. Now what happens if you get mobbed and you are taken down. You get torn apart and eaten. What’s left of you maybe still turns if there’s enough brain left. Maybe, but you aren't really a functioning zombie contributing to the horde, and obviously it's not really spreading.  Not really.  Aside from the wounding, everyone they caught would be completely eaten! When things are starting out and people are “surprised”, then I guess it’s more likely, but after a bit, it seems like biting and wounding just would not be a successful way to spread a virus.

So rather than explain it, here's what movies do.... THEY DON'T SHOW YOU!  You see a person getting bitten, and then cut scene!  Then, later, you see that person reanimated.  So what happened in the meantime?  Did the zombie bite them, throw them to the ground, recognize they're infected, then give them a hand up because now they're buds? 

I’m not saying a zombie apocalypse won’t happen. Deep down I know it will. I’m just saying that your cliché shambling movie zombies that spread with a bite probably just aren’t in the cards.